This may be one of the last Hyperion episodes that we film, so I wanted a lot of martial arts scenes. Yes, Erica wrote one along the same lines ("Hands Off!"), but there was way too much Star Wars (ugh!) and it was my idea anyway! However, I do acknowledge that some of her dialogue was funny, and I couldn't resist a few digs at SW. Ceil's ending speech - laden with double meanings - is all mine, as are the fight scenes and pretty much everything else. Havoc's boredom is actually taken from real life, as is one of the martial arts anecdotes. This should generate some good outtakes. Enjoy and laugh your head off, just like we will when we film it!
Captain Cecelia "Ceil" Lastufka
Commander T'Roc - First Officer
Lieutenant Raj Chandra - Chief Medical Officer
Lieutenant Tanya Ramon - Science Officer
Ensign Rosalynn McKay - Tactical Officer
Ensign Michael Anderson - Helmsman
One of Six - Chief Engineer
Havoc - Communications Officer
Ensign James West - Starfleet Secret Service
Martial Artists - Starfleet Secret Service
Agis Black Market Cartel
Teaser: Ramon at desk outside Kong's quarters, leaning back in chair, feet on desk.
Ramon: Personal log, Lieutenant Tanya Ramon, Stardate 57900.14. It's another boring day aboard the good ship Resolution. I thought this bodyguard assignment would be a little more, well, exciting, than it's turned out to be. But I guess I'll have to face Reality as it Really Is. I've only seen the Kong of Kamerda twice, and I'm supposed to be protecting him. He stays holed up in his quarters all the time. If this continues, there won't be any doubt about his getting to the D-10 summit safely. (Crewman enters, crosses to Ramon. Crewman hands padd to Ramon, who looks it over. She nods, looks at it again. Crewman pulls out gun and fires at Ramon, but misses. Ramon rolls off chair, pushes chair into opponent. Gasps) Okay, I take that back! (Opponent has stumbled, half-sitting, into chair. Ramon tips chair over backwards, staying low, drops knee onto crewman's face. Crewman tries to kick but only succeeds in flopping onto Ramon's back. Ramon straightens, crewman is tossed onto floor. Crewman 2 comes into doorway while above is happening.)
Crewman 2: Cool!!!!! (Ramon finishes off crewman 1 as crewman 2 pulls phaser and shoots Ramon)
Ramon: (gasps, falling) Totally…. (drops)
Act One, Scene One The security desk on the Resolution. Ramon is on floor, unconscious. Crewmen stand in center of room.
Kidnapper 1 (Russti Reigun): Take the guard and the Kong to the transwarp shuttle. (Others leave. He speaks into communicator) Is the bridge secure?
Voice of kidnapper: Affirmative. The crew is incapacitated.
Reigun: Place them in the escape pods and launch all of them. Then proceed to the shuttle. The Federation will never be able to follow us. And, without the Kong, the D-10 summit will never succeed. (giggles. Throws back head and prepares to let out an evil laugh. Stops abruptly, frightened, then runs out. Pan up to show alarm on wall labeled "Evil Laugh Detector")
Scene Two Hyperion bridge.
Ceil: (Drumming fingers on padd) Boring… boring… boring…
McKay: (Rolling eyes, chin on hand, staring into space) Boring… boring… boring…
Havoc: I'm bored. Captain, will you play with me?
Havoc: Can you assign somebody to play with me?
Ceil: No. Go bug McKay.
Havoc: McKay, will you play Space Wars with me? I'm Look Roadrunner. You can be Queen Armadillo!
McKay: No. I prefer guns that don't look like hairdryers.
Havoc: (something beeps. He presses button) This is the USS Hyperion. How may I direct your call?
Admiral Hamilton: (Sounding frantic) This is Admiral Hamilton. Put me onscreen, quick! (appears onscreen)
Ceil: (casually) Howdy, Admiral. How's it going? Got a nice, safe little escort mission lined up for us?
Hamilton: Lastufka, this is serious. The Kalamituous Kong of Kamerda and many other major world leaders and Secret Service personnel have disappeared!
Ceil: So? Why should we bother ourselves to save the KKK?
Hamilton: (gritting teeth and slowing down) I'm sending you the coordinates of the Kong's ship. The conference that he and the others were all going to was expected to produce significant action against drug trafficking. We suspect that the disappearances were arranged by a drug cartel.
Ceil: (sighs) So what? I mean, it's not like it's important.
Hamilton: DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND????!!!!! The cartel can ask the whole Federation for ransom if you don't track them down and rescue the leaders! You must save them! You must save the world!
Ceil: (groans) Again?
McKay: Not another time!
Havoc: Do we have to?
Ceil: If you look at the way the world is now, it's not even worth saving. Just thinking about it makes me feel depressed.
McKay: It's not like it's the only world out there. We'd be better off without it. This is making me sick. I'm leaving. (exits)
Hamilton: (desperate) Captain, I'm begging you! Please, Cecelia Lastufka! You're my only hope!
Ceil: Naaah. It's not worth it.
Hamilton: (abruptly, looking at message on computer) Your science officer is also missing.
Ceil: Ramon? Oh, I suppose we'll have to find her. (sighs) And I suppose we'll have to save the world in the process. But you owe me one. Big time. Lastufka out.
Scene Three Office at prison camp. Ramon, who has just revived is tied to a chair by her arms. Reigun paces in front of her in true bad-guy style.
Reigun: Welcome to Agis, Lieutenant. I am known as Russti Reigun. The Kong is safe and with the rest of our guests. You'll be joining them shortly. Before you leave, pleas take note that a powerful force field surrounds this entire complex. Any escape attempts or serious misdemeanors will result in solitary confinements. Any - (he wanders too close. Ramon scissors his leg from her sitting position and he falls, she drops a heel onto his neck nerves. She tips the chair over backwards and hits the ground with a thud.)
Ramon: Ouch. (Works arms free, cuts bonds with knife on desk. Runs out of room. Cut to edge of force field, demarcated by thin line/wire on ground. Ramon extends hand toward it, cautiously, hits field and jerks back sharply) Owww! (wonderingly) You can't even see the field when you touch it…
Scene Four Some lab on Hyperion. T'Roc and McKay, working. Havoc enters.
Havoc: We're almost at the KSS Resolution. And we're all invited to the Captain's Mess for a talk. We're supposed to RSVP ASAP and go A and B the C of D to think of WAM to find the KKK, the LT, and the SSS people.
McKay: The captain's mess? You mean her room? And I couldn't understand a word of what you just said. I was never that good at ABCs. Only at DVDs. (They leave.)
Scene Five Prison complex, near force field. Ramon poking at box on ground. Combo buttons beep. Running footsteps. James dashes up, shoves Ramon aside, punches in combo, flips box cover open. This is obviously an escape attempt. Kidnapper rushes up. Ramon throws herself at his legs, takes him down. Another rushes up with gun.
Kidnapper 2: Freeze everyone! (waves gun around) You two are going to solitary.
Ramon: (sees James clearly for the first time. Shock.) Jim?!!
James: Master Ramon!
Scene Six Ramon's solitary confinement cell. Also switch to Jim's during dialogue.
Ramon: Ensign James West! Just what sort of crazy stunt were you trying to pull?
James: (voice muffled through wall) I was escaping. That box was a force field control node.
Ramon: Well, you're not going without me. (pulls ball out of pocket, throws it against wall and catches it. Think the "cooler" scenes in The Great Escape.) Why'd you get kidnapped?
James: I was the bodyguard for the Luminous Lady of Lin. She was going to the D-10 summit.
Ramon: Oh, yes. You'd think they'd hold the conference over the Subnet, but no, they've all got to be together so they can eat caviar and drink champagne.
James: Do caviar and champagne even go together?
Ramon: I don't know, Jim, I never tried. Are there any other Secret Service people in here?
James: Lots. They're all bodyguards for people going to the summit.
Ramon: Anyone I know?
James: Ma'am, they're all members of the Secret Service Martial Arts Club.
Ramon: (pause, leans head against wall) Hmmm….
Act Two, Scene One Hyperion docked with Resolution. Interior shot, Ramon's "office". Crew running scans.
McKay: Captain, there definitely was a firefight. I'd say about three or four attackers against Lieutenant Ramon.
Ceil: Can you tell who the attackers were?
McKay: No. The weapons were the standard Federation model.
Havoc: (Running up. Gives Ceil padd) Captain, the Kong's captain and crew have been picked up. They were found on the nearest planet.
Ceil: What? How'd they get there?
Havoc: They said the mutineers stunned them and put them in escape pods.
Havoc: Yeah. Mutineers are crewmen who revolt.
McKay: I knew that! I was just surprised to find out that this was a mutiny.
Ceil: Then why didn't they fly off in this ship? And why'd they take Ramon and the Kong? (hits commbadge) Lastufka to One of Six.
Six's Voice: Yes ma'am?
Ceil: Check the shuttle flight logs. See if any are missing.
Six's Voice: Aye.
Scene Two Ramon's solitary confinement cell. Ramon is bouncing ball off wall. Footsteps, door opens. Ramon looks up.
Kidnapper 2: Out.
Ramon: (stands) What, releasing me so soon?
Kidnapper 2: The prisoners are being transferred to another location.
Ramon: (steps back into cell) Whoa, wait a minute. If this involves transporting me in a piecemeal shuttle that'll fall apart at Warp 2, I think I'll stay right here.
Kidnapper 2: There is no shuttle. The prisoners will remain on the planet.
Ramon: (Acidly) Well, that's a relief. (steps out) Hey, Jim, you wanna come? It might be fun.
James: (casually) Sure, why not?
Scene Three Resolution bridge. Zoom into Six and Chandra at stations
Six: (Hits commbadge) Six to Captain. I've checked the flight logs; all of the shuttles are in place.
Ceil's Voice: How could that happen? Unless they're hiding on the ship…
Chandra: Captain, if I may venture a conjecture?
Ceil's Voice: Go ahead.
Chandra: It is possible that the mutineers were not true crewmen at all. Since this is not a Starfleet ship, it would be simple for them to sign on as members of the Kong's crew. After they performed their mutiny, they could be met by their own ship. They could then kidnap the Kong.
Six: And the crew were launched in escape pods to prevent them from following the kidnappers.
Ceil's Voice: Okay, I'll buy that. So where did the kidnapper's ship go?
Six: I could use Hyperion's sensors to look for a warp trail.
Ceil's Voice: Go ahead. (Six leaves)
Scene Four Hyperion bridge. Six enters. Havoc follows. They both start pushing buttons.
Six: (after a pause) What are you doing?
Six: I don't need help.
Havoc: Oh, yes you do! (pushes more buttons)
Six: (after another pause, hits commbadge) Captain, I have detected a faint warp trail - but it is rather unusual.
Ceil's Voice: (sighs) How unusual?
Six: It is a transwarp trail.
Scene Five Shot of Agis in space. Cut to transport vehicle. Ramon, James, and others sitting in vehicle.
Martial Artist 1: …So after I finish warming them up, I tell them to stand at attention. And Holmes reacts slowly, so I ask him if there's something wrong. He says, "no sss..." and keels over, just like that. Lemme tell ya, that just freaked me out. (Martial artists laugh)
Martial Artist 2: That must have been some warm up!
Ramon: (Airily) I would never do anything like that! (Picks at clothing) You know, these clothes look a lot like martial arts uniforms. Anyway, now that we're all together, we should talk about getting out.
James: Actually, we should talk about several ways to escape.
Martial Artist 2: Okay, how's this for an idea? (Slams fist into palm)
Martial Artist 1:The universal language - brute force. I like it!
Ramon: The best time for that would be when they're unloading us. You know, mass confusion and all that. Try to get their guns and take out the guards. Then we can deal with the head honchos.
James: What about Plan B?
Ramon: Umm… Plan B is to get a communicator and contact Starfleet. Plan C is to knock out the force fields, Plan D is to build an escape shuttle, Plan E is to tunnel out, and Plan F is to sit here and cry. Satisfied?
Martial Artist 2: I don't have any tear ducts.
Ramon: Okay, you can moan instead. (Engine noise stops.)
James: I think we've gotten to wherever we were going. (Pulls aside window covering. Show big building) Wow. That's big.
Ramon: (Joins him) Yeah. (Door opens)
Kidnapper 2's Voice: Out, all of you!
Ramon: (looks around, winks) All right, you don't have to yell. We're coming! (Launches herself. Lots of martial artists follow. Yells, vehicle walls shake, then phaser noises. Quiet. Ramon wheezes) Okay, that was a bad idea.
Scene Six Solitary confinement cell. Kidnapper 2 marches Ramon in.
Ramon: (protesting) Hey, it's pretty unfair to call me the ring leader. I wasn't the one doing jump kicks. (Kidnapper 2 leaves, door slams shut. Ramon sits and starts bouncing ball off wall.)
Act Three, Scene One Hyperion in space.
Ceil: Captain's Log, Stardate 57901.39. We've learned all we can from the Kong's ship - which wasn't much. The only thing we can do now is to follow the transwarp trail the kidnappers left. (Cut to bridge) Six, is this the first time this sort of thing has been done?
Six: Captain, this is a routine SITWC procedure.
Ceil: But is this the first time?
Six: It has been successfully tested in laboratory conditions.
Ceil: But has it been done by a ship before?
Six: The concept has been simulated with a 90% rate of -
Ceil: Six. What I', trying to say, is, is there a precedent for this SITWC initialization being performed by a spaceborne platform?
Ceil: Just checking. Are we ready?
Six: On your order.
Ceil: Hit the big red button and take us through. (Anderson hits big red button. Cut to exterior shot. Transwarp conduit forms in area between saucer core and saucer outliers.)
Anderson: Entering ship-induced transwarp conduit. (Bridge core disappears into conduit.)
Scene Two Hyperion bridge
Havoc: When are we going to get there?
T'Roc: Estimated time of arrival is eight hours and ten minutes.
Havoc: (sighs) That's a long time. (time passes. Show Havoc being bored, at his station, at Ramon's station. Sits in T'Roc's chair.)
T'Roc: Remove yourself from my seat or I shall be forced to evict you. (Havoc gets out. Sits in McKay's chair)
McKay: Get outta my chair! Now! Or I'll throw you in the brig! (Havoc goes to his station, hits button)
Havoc: Doctor, will you play Space Wars with me? You can be Dark Invader.
Chandra's Voice: Who is this "Dark Invader"?
Havoc: He's in charge of the Debt Star.
Chandra's Voice: I'm a doctor, not an accountant! But you can come to sickbay and help me gather medicinal herbs.
Havoc: Ummm… no thanks. (Closes channel. Puts his head on his hand. Fade out.)
Scene Three Fade in Hyperion bridge. McKay at console, making weird noises and motions.
McKay: Hahahaha - heeheehee! Yahyahyahyah! Ah - hahahahaha!
T'Roc: (enters, sees McKay, hits button) Dr. Chandra, we have a medical emergency on the bridge. McKay appears to be in convulsions.
Chandra's Voice: On my way! (McKay laughs, leans over backward, and falls down)
T'Roc: (goes to her) Lie still, ensign. Dr. Chandra will be here shortly.
McKay: (gets up) Why?
T'Roc: You just had a seizure, ensign.
McKay: No, I was practicing my evil laughs.
T'Roc: (rolls eyes, hits commbadge) Dr. Chandra, disregard the emergency. I appear to have been mistaken. McKay, is it necessary to "practice you evil laughs"?
McKay: Of course! That way, after we capture the kidnappers, I can visit them in the brig and gloat. (begins practicing laughs again. T'Roc sits in chair and sighs. Clearly, this is going to be a long trip.)
Scene Four Solitary confinement. Ramon is bouncing ball off wall. Footsteps sound outside.
Kidnapper 3 Voice: I still don't see how kidnapping these world leaders will work to our advantage. (Ramon stops bouncing ball, listening.)
Kidnapper 2 Voice: Let me explain it to you plain and simple. (Ramon leans here head back against wall and begins bouncing ball softly.) These leaders were on their way to a Federation conference. They were going to make new laws that would hinder our operations.
Kidnapper 3 Voice: Our operations? Uhhh…
Kidnapper 2 Voice: Drugs, idiot! We're a black-market drug cartel! And if they make it tougher to smuggle mind-accelerating substances, we'll lose money!
Kidnapper 3 Voice: Oh, yeah. Now I get it. So when do we let them go?
Kidnapper 2 Voice: When we get orders to. Or when we get ransom offers. (Footsteps going away. Ramon grins predatorily and begins throwing ball energetically. Just before cut, it hits her on the head.)
Scene Five Hyperion bridge.
T'Roc: Captain, we are approaching the end of the transwarp trail.
Ceil: Anderson, take us out of the conduit.
Ceil: Well, where are we?
T'Roc: We are in the Agis system.
Ceil: Which means that Ramon and the rest of the kidnapped world leaders must be on Agis.
T'Roc: There is a problem, Captain. (looks at padd)
Ceil: Another one?
T'Roc: (Brings up diagram on main screen) There are thirty planets in the system. Only twenty, however, are class M. All of them are inhabited by various intelligent species. All have the same technological capability. They are not what you would call hospitable… ruled by a democracy in name, but gangs are powerful.
McKay: So what? We just fire a few torpedoes, pow-pow-pow, and down comes democracy, gangsters and all! (evil laugh)
Ceil: You mean we have an equal chance of finding Ramon on all of them? (T'Roc nods) So work out a probability thingymajig. Or a logical whachamacallit.
T'Roc: (works with padd) From the information that we have, it is logical to assume that there is no way to tell which of the twenty planets Lieutenant Ramon is on. (dramatic pause) But, using the logic of illogic, if one squares the contrapositive of the converse p over q, evaluates the truth table of twenty inverse by p sub Ramon, multiplies the derivative by pi and finds the Hamiltonicity of the rectangle with points A G I S and then subtracts one over theta times cos q, one would conclude that Lieutenant Ramon is on Agis Two.
Ceil, McKay, and Havoc: (Together) I knew that!
Ceil: Mr. Anderson, set a course for Agis Two.
Scene Six Corridor in kidnappers' building. Ramon and James meet.
James: So they let you out?
Ramon: Yeah. So much for Plan A. Did you manage to get hold of a communicator?
James: Yes. (Pulls communicator out of pocket) I couldn't raise any Starfleet ships, though.
Ramon: (takes it) I'll keep trying. Let's go take a look at the force fields.
Scene Seven Outdoors. Ramon and James walking casually. Ramon throws ball and catches it. Throws ball again, ball falls to ground and rolls to force field control box.
James: (Loudly) Guess we're gonna have to go get it. (Ramon exaggerates looking for ball. James goes over to box, starts investigating. Seconds pass. Kidnapper 2 enters.)
Kidnapper 2: Whaddaya think you're doing?
Ramon: We're looking for my ball. Have you seen it anywhere? (Pretends to have just found it) Oh, there it is. (Reaches down and grabs it. She and James walk away.) What news, Jim?
James: It's possible to blow the force field because of the magnetic distortions in the -
Ramon: I'll take a raincheck on the explanation. Are there any complications?
James: Yep. See, the force field is not the problem.
Ramon: (raises eyebrows) So?
James: There's a positronicmicroemittingquasiphasedionic damping field around the area that makes transporter activity impossible.
Ramon: (shrugs) So take that out too.
James: Just because I know what it is doesn't mean I can disable it.
Ramon: So if we're gonna get out of here, we'll need a shuttle. I'll try the communicator again tonight and see if I can get hold of a ship. I can't believe the Admiral would just leave us here after she's heard of our disappearance.
James: Well, I can.
Act Four, Scene One Hyperion bridge. McKay, T'Roc, Ceil present.
Ceil: I can't believe it! That moronic foreign affairs minister won't let us send search teams! Bureaucratic idiot!
T'Roc: He seemed most insistent in denying all presence of organized dissident forces.
Ceil: See what you can do about finding alternate sources of information. I need to go to sickbay; I've got a headache. (Leans back in chair and sighs)
T'Roc: (starts pushing buttons. Something beeps. McKay checks comm. console.)
McKay: Message from the surface. It's on a marginal frequency. I can't isolate it. (slaps badge) Mr. Havoc, report to the bridge immediately. (Havoc runs on, waving a gun, shouting.)
Havoc: Bam! Bam!
McKay: That's not a real gun. What is it?
Havoc: Of course it's not a real gun. It's a blaster!
McKay: We're receiving a transmission. See if you can figure it out.
Havoc: Of course I can. Nothing's too hard for a genius!!
McKay: Don't get cocky, kid.
Havoc: Piece of cake. Audio only.
Ramon's Voice: … help. Repeat. Hello? Anybody out there? Don't worry, I'm fully prepared to hear nothing but static. Which is nothing anyway. Oh well. I might as well repeat my message for the … 32nd time now. I'm a Starfleet officer on Agis Two…
Ceil: O.K., cut the pity party, Lieutenant, we know who you are. Whaddya want, where's the Kong and his gang and how do we get you out of whatever you've gotten yourself into?
Ramon: Captain! (small pause) We're all here, we can disable the force field but we need y'all to send a shuttle.
Ceil: What's wrong with a transporter? Is someone down there beam-sick?
Ramon: Negatory, Captain. The drug cartel folks down here have a positronicmicroemittingquasiphasedionic damping field erected around the entire complex, designed to inhibit transporter activity.
Ceil: Yeah, yeah, point taken, Lieutenant. We'll send a few shuttles.
T'Roc: When is the optimal time for an abrupt exit of the facility?
Ramon: The guards have lunch at 1300 hours, local time. That's about eleven hours from now.
Ceil: Right. Ta-ta for now.
Havoc: Transmission end, sir.
Scene Two Some lab on Hyperion. T'Roc is doing something sciency. Ceil is looking on and talking.
Ceil: The Agis government isn't going to be happy about this rescue attempt, T'Roc.
T'Roc: That reaction is quite possible.
Ceil: Which means that they shouldn't find out about it. Which means that they'll have to be distracted from our real purpose here. Which means that I'll have to give them a reason.
T'Roc: (raises eyebrow) Which means?
Ceil: (reluctantly) Which means that you'll have to be in charge of the extraction. While I pester the government for permission to search and send out probes. They'll start asking questions if I'm not with my ship.
T'Roc: Understood, Captain.
Ceil: And since this is off the record - you can shoot first and ask questions later.
T'Roc: Actually, captain, I do not anticipate taking many weapons.
Ceil: (shrugs) Whatever. It's your mission.
Scene Three Combat ready-room on Hyperion. McKay, T'Roc, and various off-camera crewmen present.
T'Roc: (holds up gi) This is the typical garb of the inhabitants. The jacket is worn with the left side over the right, and secured by a belt, which is wrapped around it twice. We shall be unarmed, so prepare for hand-to-hand combat. Ensign.
McKay: (stepping forward) All right, listen up, people, 'cuz I'm only gonna say this once! (enunciating clearly) This will be a Standard Jailbreak. No showing off, looting the treasury, or wiping out the planetary government. This is a rescue, not a revolution. (someone groans) Get in, bust the jail, and get back to the shuttles. You know the drill. Now go, go, go! (reaches into locker and starts pulling out gis, passes them to a crew member off camera)
T'Roc: Ensign (catches gi) McKay, it (catches gi) was perhaps not wise (catches gi) to suggest (McKay starts throwing harder)
McKay: Hustle, hustle, people! I want this operation over before we all get old!
T'Roc: - to suggest taking over (catches gi) the government. (fumbles to catch gi) It might (catches gi) give them ideas. (Gi lands in her face; she pulls it off)
McKay: (tying her belt) C'mon, let's go! (exits. Show T'Roc looking after her crossly, holding gi.)
Scene Four Show shuttle descending to planet. Cut to interior of shuttle when landing.
McKay: Commander, have you heard anything from Ramon yet?
Ramon's Voice: Ramon to Commander T'Roc.
T'Roc: I spoke too soon. (Hits commbadge) Proceed, Lieutenant.
Ramon's Voice: We've just disabled the force field. As soon as you come in I'll break out the dignitaries. I suggest that half your force should escort them to the shuttles while the other half engages the guards. There are some other Secret Service people here who'd be glad to join the party.
T'Roc: We're on our way. (Random shots of people running.)
Scene Five Inside the complex. Ramon and James present.
T'Roc's Voice: T'Roc to Ramon. We're inside the complex.
Ramon: Roger that, commander, I'll see you in a few minutes. (Jim taps her on shoulder; a guard is coming. They start walking casually. Guard comes between them and pokes Jim with gun)
Guard: Hey, you two are supposed to be in your barracks now!
James: Is it 1300 hours already? (Knocks gun aside, steps in with elbow to the temple. Guard crumples. Ramon relieves him of PADD
Ramon: Okay. (waves PADD) I've got the codes. Let's break 'em out. (goes to door, starts punching buttons.)
T'Roc's Voice: T'Roc to Ramon. Encountering resistance.
Ramon: I'll join you as soon as I have everyone out.
Scene Six An area inside the complex. Crewmen and Ramon's martial artists are throwing kidnappers around, kicking punching, flipping, rolling etc. In a corridor, Havoc runs by, shooting a gun, chasing kidnappers and yelling.
Havoc: AHHHHHHHHH!!!! (Runs off camera Seconds later, comes running back firing gun over his shoulder and yelling. Think Han Solo.) AHHHHHHHH!!
(More fight scenes, now including Ramon and Jim.)
Ramon:(yells over fight) Go! Get 'em to the shuttles! Go! (Takes out a guy and starts running)
Scene Seven Somewhere outside. Ramon running, comes across a fallen martial artist. She stops to check for a pulse. Jim runs up.
Ramon: (slowly) He's dead, Jim.
Jim: We can't stop here. (looks up ahead) We've got company.
Ramon: Only one. (points off to right) Make sure that group of conference delegates gets to a shuttle. I can handle this one. (Jim runs off. Ramon advances to meet Reigun, who is holding two traditional Agisian weapons)
Reigun: So, Lieutenant. We meet again.
Ramon: Why did I expect you to say that?
Reigun: It's a standard bad guy line.
Ramon: You know, if I had a phaser, this would be over very quickly.
Reigun: (snickers) But you don't, Lieutenant. However, I can offer you a substitute. (Tosses her a weapon) These are traditional weapons of Agis, used in personal duels. If I kill you, then I'll …(thinks) …Well, you'll be dead.
Ramon: And if I win?
Reigun: Don't worry; you won't (lunges at her. Ramon blocks, fight begins.)
Ramon: Did it ever occur to you that I don't know how to use this thing?
Reigun: That, Lieutenant, is precisely why I picked it.
Ramon: That 's not very sportsmanlike.
Reigun: That's fine with me. I'm not a sportsman. (fight goes on. Ramon is beginning to lose.)
Ramon: You know, I don't think I like this very much.( weapons become entangled. They try to extricate them)
Reigun: I'm sorry. I'm enjoying every mo-UGGHHH. (Ramon has gotten tired of trying to play by the rules and puts a sidekick in his floating rib. When he buckles, she follows up with a kick to the head. Reigun is out for the count.)
Ramon: That's more like it! (Hits commbadge) Ramon to T'Roc. Don't leave without me! (runs off)
Scene Eight Shot of big hall with lots of people-the heroes' welcome back. Honors, Awards, etc. Hyperion crew is on stage, front and center.
Announcer's Voice: Because of the valiant actions of this crew, the D-10 summit was successful in its efforts to create new legislation in opposition to substance trafficking. Starfleet and the Federation wish to commend the crew of the U.S.S. Hyper Ion. (T'Roc raises eyebrows. Ceil leans over)
Ceil: (in a low voice) We couldn't tell them we were secret service, so some minor details fell between the cracks.
Announcer's Voice: Captain Cecelia Last…us ski…Lastosksa… Lostowwska..(Pause) The ship's captain. Commander T'Roll, first officer.
T'Roc: (aside) A few minor details, captain.
Announcer's Voice: Lieutenant Roger Chandelier, Chief Medical Officer. Two of Sixty, Chief Engineer. Ensign Daisy McCoy, Tactical Officer. Lieutenant Tara Rabin, Science Officer. Ensign Daniel Larson, Helmsman. Chaos, Communications Officer. (Cheers and applause. Ceil steps up to lectern)
Ceil: In all honesty, I must say that we did not begin our mission with the desire to save the world. (Havoc snickers) Although we merely performed our duty, we did so with pride, determination, and confidence in the Federation goal of making contact (McKay grins and slams her fist into her palm) with other life forms. My crew and myself continue to be at your service. (More clapping and cheering. Triumphant music.)
Copyright 2005 Arin Lastufka, all rights reserved worldwide.